


Dust in The Wind

by paperowl



Category: Iron Man (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, Spider-Man (Tom Holland Movies)
Genre: Angst, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Gen, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Not Avengers: Endgame (Movie) Compliant, Peter Parker Needs a Hug, Post-Avengers: Endgame (Movie), Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Tony Stark Acting as Peter Parker's Parental Figure, Tony Stark Has A Heart, Whump, mentioned Tony Stark/ Pepper Potts, very light on the comfort though
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-13
Updated: 2020-05-13
Packaged: 2021-03-03 03:02:17
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,001
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24157816
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/paperowl/pseuds/paperowl
Summary: He didn’t turn into dust this time, but somehow, this was worse. Last time he was gone, a pile of ashes on the surface of Titan, there was no saving him. (No second tries or re-dos, no turning back time to fix his mistakes, he was just gone, almost in the blink of an eye.)But this time there was, if Tony tried hard enough he could save Peter, at least that’s what he told himself, as the Peter he so had desperately wanted back vanished before his eyes. Tony watched as the hours Peter logged in the suit dwindled, as the smiles Tony so loved to see diminished one by one, until Tony couldn’t remember the last time he’d seen Peter so much as chuckle.
Relationships: Peter Parker & Morgan Stark (Marvel Cinematic Universe), Peter Parker & Tony Stark
Kudos: 59





	Dust in The Wind

**Author's Note:**

> I've had this in my drafts for almost two months now, and I like it enough now that I can post it. It's sad, but what else is new? I hope you enjoy it in any case, because writing it was fun.

When he first sees Peter, Tony can hardly believe it’s real. Here Peter is, on the battlefield, five long years after Titan, looking as though nothing has happened. He’s wearing the same suit, the one from Titan, and when he pulls off the mask there’s no mistaking it, that’s his kid; that’s Peter and he’s alive. Then the kid starts talking, and Tony can’t hear a word he’s saying because Peter is alive. Tears burning in his eyes, all Tony can do is wrap his arms around Peter, partially to make sure Peter’s real, and partially because Peter’s alive. 

The hug only lasts a moment before both he and Peter are pulled back into the fighting, and Tony wishes, not for the first time, that he could put a pause on the world, because it’ll be a miracle if everyone makes it out alive and he needs to make sure his kid is okay. Tony fights with renewed vigor because Peter’s alive, and he wants to make sure they both get through this battle breathing. He asks Strange if this is the one they win, because it has to be, Peter’s alive, they’ve gotten everyone back, they’re so close. Strange can’t say, but Tony knows, even without words, they’re going to make it. 

They need to get the gauntlet across the battlefield, into the time travel van so the stones are gone. It seems impossible, until Captain Marvel shows up and destroys Thanos’s ship with ease. And- of course Peter has the gauntlet - when she gets near him things start to look promising. But she doesn’t know the plan, so when Peter hands her the gauntlet she puts it on.

She puts it on and she snaps, turning Thanos, and all of his armies, to dust. There’s a strange quiet that falls as the dust begins to settle and, as everyone realizes what’s happened. It’s hard to believe they did it, because the enemy just disappears, there’s no fight to the death, no destruction of humanity, nothing, it’s just over.

Carol collapses to the ground, because using the gauntlet is no small feat. But Carol’s still breathing, still moving, still alive. Tony heads towards her, though it’s hard to see anything but Peter, who’s apologizing, of all things, for not telling her to take the gauntlet over to Scott’s van She cradles her arm when she gets up.

Carol breathes deeply, letting out a sigh. “I saw Natasha, she- she wanted to know if we’d won.” Carol pauses, turning to Clint, “She wanted to say sorry, and that you’re an idiot for thinking it should be anyone but her.” 

Clint lets out a sad chuckle, “Of course she did.” 

No one wants to say anything after that, to break the silence, because they’re all too scared this isn’t real. But it is real, somehow. They pick themselves up, greet old friends, and bandage their wounds, catching up on the past five years. Peter walks over to Tony with a smile on his face and Tony doesn’t know what to say. How do you catch up on five years of life when one person’s been dead for it?

The following weeks pass in a blur, and no one has time to think. Carol quickly recovers from what turns out only to be severe burns, Bruce isn’t so lucky, and in the end, he loses an arm. T’challa, Strange, and the Guardians travel elsewhere, to help with the extensive damage happing across the earth, and in space. Tony and the remaining avengers headquarter themselves at Stark Tower and begin organizing efforts to help replace all the snapped. It’s a couple of months before anyone can relax, the first few weeks are chaos, but soon the world begins to function with a semblance of normalcy.

The first opportunity Tony gets he invites Peter to the lake house, Peter needs a break, and Morgan needs to meet Peter, the superhero she only knows from bedtime stories and pictures around the house. Tony mentions to Peter that Morgan’s favorite superhero is Spider-man, chuckling at the blush that spreads across Peter’s face. So when they first meet, Peter tells her that he has a secret, he whispers into her ear conspiratorially, a grin on his face. Morgan gapes, jaw dropping to the floor, and Tony laughs because this is how it’s supposed to be, how it should have been all along. Morgan can’t shut up around Peter after that, she wants to know every story he has to tell, and he’s willing to indulge her. Pepper catches Tony watching sometimes, she never comments on the tears in his eyes, only kisses his cheek and squeezes his shoulder, she gets it, and Tony’s grateful. 

Peter joins Tony in the lab when he can get away from Morgan, and they catch up on what’s happened in the past five years. May and Happy have moved in together, they started dating a year after the snap, and Peter is happy, if a little displaced. Tony, well, Tony had a kid, he’s not as reckless as he used to be, and he knows he’s different from when Peter saw him last. Peter is just the same as always, and he fits in so perfectly at the lake house that Tony sometimes forgets he was dust for five years. Tony forgets that Peter should be in college now, an adult with a life of his own. Not five years behind the world and all the people he knows. 

And for a while, everything is good.

And then Tony watches Peter start to disintegrate, not unlike when he became dust in the breeze. It’s small at first, his smile falters sometimes, and he fails to laugh at something Tony knows he’d find funny. Nothing that Tony pays more attention than a stray thought, in and out of his head in seconds. It’s summer now and Peter is spending every other week at the lake house; Tony wishes he could stay all the time, but he has to remind himself that May needs Peter too, he’s not the only one who’s been waiting five years to see their kid.

When Peter is at May’s he all but lives in the suit, so many people were displaced and in need of help that, according to May, it’s all she can do to convince him to eat and sleep. Tony likes to watch Peter’s patrol logs, tuning in to the baby monitor feed he still secretly has contact with. Here too Tony notices something off, but he can’t put his finger on it, so he assumes it’s just because he hasn’t watched a patrol in five years and forgets about it. Even so, he thinks he should talk to Peter, if only to make him ease up on the hours he’d putting into the suit.

But Peter turns up at the lake house that Friday with a smile on his face and doesn’t hesitate to join Morgan in her pillow fort, and Tony decides it’s not worth the trouble. Peter falls asleep next to Morgan, both curled under the pillows, credits to a Disney movie running on the TV in front of them. Tony snaps a picture, smiling at the sight, not bothering to wonder why Peter’s out cold at seven in the evening, much earlier than usual.

That week Peter’s quieter, and the time he used to spend with Morgan is becoming time he disappears for instead. He and Morgan will be playing, and out of nowhere something will set him off, he never says it, but Tony can tell in the way he tenses up, more rigid in his responses, the smile draining out of his voice only to be replaced with exasperation. But Morgan doesn’t notice, so Tony doesn’t mention it, not even when it seems as though every word directed at Morgan is annoyed. 

The next week it’s the opposite, Peter shows up with deep purple circles under his eyes, snapping at Tony when he’s asked if he’s sleeping well. Morgan is the only one who doesn’t upset Peter and he spends all of his time with her. Peter never makes it down to the lab, but Tony’s okay with it because Peter can’t seem to stand the sight of Tony, and time alone in the lab would only end in disaster.

Tony’s worried, there’s no denying something is wrong with Peter, something so scarily familiar to Tony that he almost wants nothing to do with it. But time is between him and the cave now, between the Accords and Obie and everything. So instead he watches the spider-man logs, realizing what’s been off; the sarcastic comebacks and witty quips are few and far between, sometimes Peter goes an entire patrol without speaking a word, not to his AI or anyone. It chills Tony to the bone, because he’s never heard Peter this quiet, and he doesn’t want to know what it means.

Tony keeps watching the logs as they dwindle to almost nothing. When Tony talks to May she says Peter’s still out all day and it’s harder than ever to get him to take a break. Tony knows he can’t put this off any longer, he needs to talk to Peter. 

Peter shows up that weekend in a barely contained rage, Tony can hear it when he kicks his shoes off and storms up the stairs. Morgan picks up on it too, knowing to tiptoe around Peter when he comes down for dinner. It’s tense, and Tony desperately wants to say something, but knows he shouldn’t, not here, not now. So he leaves it and Peter goes to bed mad. All of this is wrong, and Tony doesn’t know how to help.

Pepper tries to get him to eat the next day, and he won’t, refusing to leave his room for anything. Tony considers telling Friday to lock Peter’s en suite bathroom so he’ll be forced to come out for something, in the end, Pepper convinces him it’s a terrible idea. Morgan asks after Peter, wondering if he’ll be okay, if he is okay. Tony can only tell her the truth, he doesn’t know.

The next evening Peter shows up for dinner in a better mood than normal. There’s some light conversation, Tony and Pepper trying their best not to upset him; until Peter explodes unexpectedly, breaking a plate and throwing his fork at the wall so hard it sticks, prongs burying in the wall, yelling about how they need to stop treating him like he’ll break if they look at him wrong. He storms up to his room and slams the door.

Morgan’s scared, she doesn’t say it, but the tremble in her voice when she asks “Daddy, is Peter going to be mad all the time?” tells him all he needs to know. Tony tries to talk to Peter that evening but gets no response, Friday says he’s not in his room, or anywhere in the house, and Tony starts to worry. Pepper reassures him that Peter is probably fine, and just left to clear his head, but Tony can’t believe that, because Peter is starting to remind him too much of something he’d rather not remember.

Tony gets in a suit then, flying over the property looking for Peter, and when he doesn’t find him he gets frantic. Pepper continues to tell him everything will be fine, Peter needed to calm down, but he’ll be back, Tony isn’t so sure. Pepper tries convincing him to stop pacing and join her in bed. She says he’s still human, and humans need to sleep, Tony doesn’t agree but complies without argument. It’s a lost cause, and find himself up and about not half an hour later. He needs to move, he needs to think. Tony is pacing the hall when he hears a thud from Peter’s room, he doesn’t dare enter, but Friday confirms his suspicions. 

Tony’s downstairs in his study pretending to work when Peter stumbles in. Peter’s doing his best to act normal, but it doesn’t take a genius to realize he’s drunk. Peter slurs every word and bumps into the door frame, he apologizes to the door and tries to apologize to Tony but instead, he throws up. Tony just sighs, stepping over the puddle of vomit to lead Peter up to the bathroom. 

Pepper pops in unexpectedly with clean clothes and a glass of water, heading to clean up before Tony even mentions what happened. He suspects she was just as worried as he was, lying awake tossing and turning while he paced. When Peter’s done retching into the toilet Tony hands him the water and a towel to wipe his mouth. Peter thanks him, more coherent than before, and Tony hands him the clothes, asking if he’s okay to change alone. Peter shrugs, Tony takes it as a no and grabs the hem of Peter’s shirt, soaked in sweat.

Tony doesn’t mention the red cuts covering Peter’s chest, or the burns on his back. He just eases the clean shirt over Peter’s head and guides him to bed. Peter passes out on top of the covers so Tony grabs a blanket and covers him. He meets Pepper in the hallway as he’s closing the door, she smiles at him and yawns, he follows suit, crashing from his earlier panic.

He climbs in bed with Pepper and the lights click off while he’s asking her what to do. His kid isn’t okay and he doesn’t know how to fix it. That’s his job, isn’t it? Saving people. Or, it should be, but he doesn’t know if he can save Peter. Pepper says he can, but really, she can. She’s always been the calm one, levelheaded and even, no matter the situation. He’s the mess, so he shouldn’t be trusted to fix another mess, but Pepper says it has to be him, and he believes her.

He coaxes Peter down to the lab the next day, and the silence is tense and expectant, each waiting for the other to speak. In the end, neither of them does, Tony’s scared of messing up the flimsy peace and Peter, well, he’s unreadable. It isn’t until evening, after he’s put Morgan to bed that he works up the courage and knocks on Peter’s door. He doesn’t get an answer, and pushes down his rising anxiety waiting for Friday to tell him Peter’s room is empty. She does, but this time there’s an addendum. “Mr. Parker is on the roof.”

Tony shouldn’t be surprised, Peter always liked high places, but now he has a problem. He ventures into Peter’s room, and there’s still a thread of spider silk dangling in front of the window, almost as if Peter knew Tony would be coming. Tony makes it onto the roof with some difficulty, and climbs over the peak to see Peter staring out over the lake. He doesn’t say anything, just sits next to Peter, waiting for him to fill the silence as the sun sets, casting a golden glow over everything, the air chilling.

Peter’s voice is hoarse and tired, “I’m-” he sighs, “I’m not okay.” 

Tony looks at him, chin rested on his knees, vacant stare. “I know kid, I know.” He all but whispers it, but Peter hears it, and he keeps talking.

“I just- everything’s so different now and I,.” He trails off, sucking in a breath before continuing. “I don’t fit.” He turns an imploring face towards Tony. His kid looks so broken and Tony doesn’t know how to fix it.

Tony smiles sadly, “Yeah you do, you fit just right.”

Peter shakes his head, as if he doesn’t believe it, “Even if I fit,” he continues “I can’t be like I was- like before, and that’s the part that fits. It’s what you want, it’s what May wants, and that’s not me anymore.”

Tony cocks his head, waiting. “I get mad for no reason, I can’t sleep, and I can’t stop being scared. All the time. I keep thinking I’m turning to dust again, and I can’t- I don’t-” Peter starts breathing hard, choked sounds replacing words. Tony rubs his hand on Peter’s back in circles as he counts breaths for Peter, waiting for the steady in and out to calm him down.

When Peter does, he apologizes, and Tony tells him not to. Peter’s quiet for a while before starting up again. “I keep having to prove to myself I’m real, but it never really works. So I just. . . don’t exist for a while. I can’t think or really do anything, and I’m tired, Mr. Stark. I’m so tired.” His voice breaks on the last bit, and Tony hums. He knows what it’s like, and yet he doesn’t. It doesn’t really matter though.

There are tears silently falling from Peter’s cheeks, so Tony puts a hand under Peter’s chin, turning his head and wiping away his tears before enveloping Peter in a hug. Peter clings to Tony as if he’s a life raft on a sinking ship, not letting go for a long, long time. Tony murmurs into his hair, telling him that it takes work, but he can figure it out, Tony knows because he had to do it too. He tells Peter that if he ever doesn’t feel real, he’s allowed to ask, Tony won’t mind, Pepper won’t, and May sure as hell won’t. Tony tells Peter that it doesn’t matter if he’s himself or not, because Morgan didn’t know him before the bite and she likes him just fine. 

Peter and Tony stay up on the roof, arms wrapped around each other until Tony decides it’s not safe anymore and coaxes Peter down to his room. Tony doesn’t even ask Peter if it’s okay when he slides into bed next to him, telling Peter that he’ll make sure Peter stays real. Peter chooses to believe him and curls up close to Tony, sleeping for the first time in far too long.

**Author's Note:**

> I'm a sucker for fics that explore how the blip impacted Peter, so of course I had to write one. I hope the ending's hopeful? It's meant to be, I don't want to make people too sad. 
> 
> My tumblr: come for the fic updates, stay for the bad art @[papered-owl](https://www.tumblr.com/blog/papered-owl)


End file.
